This week kicks off 2018, and can I just say – about bloody time.
I know I’m not the only one – but 2017 was a bit of a roller coaster for me, both personally and professionally. I started a new job, in a new city, working in a new field. I made new friends, rented a new apartment, joined a new gym, and bought two new cars. My partner and I learnt new things about one another, and together we set a new personal best for flights between Melbourne and Sydney in a year. Between all of the new, a few old habits reared their ugly head – I worked consistently 10, 11, 12 hour days, weeknights and weekends. When I wasn’t at work, I was thinking about work. About how much I had to learn, and how out of depth I was. My old friend Impostor Syndrome came to visit, and set up camp on my new couch for a solid four to five months. Old health issues came back to bite me. It took me a really long time to feel at home in the lab again (settling into a new lab space after 4 solid years in your old one is hard, note to self), and I found it hard to balance my expectations with the reality of what was physically achievable in a single day.Lesson one of 2017 was balance, above all else. Balance is essential for mental and physical health, and without it you will drown.
Perhaps worst of all, I said yes. Consistently, for 9 months, I said yes to taking every meeting, trying every experiment, attending every outing… I was terrified of missing out on that most important opportunity. Six months into my new job, I was already juggling more than 10 ‘projects’ – each of which was substantial enough to occupy an honours student for a year – and had little idea which of them was actually paying my rent. Instead of giving myself a chance to settle in, maybe tackle a few key projects that would quickly generate data, I tried to chip away at everything and wound up floundering amongst a sea of failed experiments and next to no progress. I was burnt out, and looking for any way to slink off into the darkness and away from the academic career I had been working toward for the past decade.Lesson number two of 2017 was that it is ok, and in fact important, to say no. Sometimes. A handful of productive projects are better than a wealth of failing ones. It’s ok to be up front with your limitations – some people (the good ones) will respect you even more for it.
Despite all the heartache, I didn’t quit. Sometimes, hanging on for dear life is enough. I have a beautiful partner who reminded me everyday of why we were here. I have wonderful friends and family who boast proudly about this crazy scientist they know. These are the things that keep you going. Lesson number three of 2017 was keep these people close. They are your life blood.
Towards the end of the year, the waters started to smooth. I kicked my ImpSyn friend off the couch, made daily exercise a priority and devoted some time to personal goals. One of those was this (which I admit is still a work in progress). I also enrolled in an online course to pursue some extra-curricula computer programming skills. I finally engaged with Twitter (and oh what a wonderful, welcoming community I have found there). I worked to connect all my fabulous women friends in science as we go our separate ways for now (more on that later). Lesson number four of 2017 was don’t be afraid to know your goals, and to prioritise them. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Even if it’s only small steps once a week or once a month, every little bit of effort will take you one step closer to your goal. And life is too short to keep these goals hidden out of fear.
The year came to a close in a wonderful corner of the New South Wales south coast. We beached, waterskiied, flew kites, ate tremendous icecream and slept. I had eight (yes, eight!) whole days without opening my computer, or even thinking about work. Those eight days were the happiest I spent in 2017, and after them I felt like I had opened the floodgates. In the back of my mind, I started to develop experiment ideas, fellowship projects and potential collaborative ventures. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get back to work to put things in motion. Lesson number five of 2017 is that in order to go fast, you must first go slow. A few people whom I deeply respect have mentioned this before, but it wasn’t until my summer holiday that I truly understood their meaning. This is my 2018 mantra.
These lessons, despite being painful to learn, have opened the door to an exhilarating 2018. I’m heading to three conferences over the next five weeks, which will mark my first national conference oral presentations. I’m attending a summer school, where I get to focus solely on developing my programming skills for six days straight. I am working on Fellowship applications which, if successful, will have me headed overseas in no time. My friends-in-STEM community continues to grow. For the first time in a while, I am excited about the upcoming few months. After the butt-kicking 2017 gave me, I finally feel like 2018 is the time to fight back.
Here’s to 2018. May it be full of science, love, laughter, growth and success for you all x
