Review | DEZERAECOX

Year in review: 2020 Edition

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 10:40:50 +0000

Year in review: 2020 Edition

2020 was… A year that felt like a decade, but with the productivity of a boozy long weekend. In case you haven’t been on planet earth for the entire year (hello friend, teach me your secrets), it was of course the year in which a coronavirus (specifically SARS-Cov2) emerged and rapidly took over the globe.

The ensuing pandemonium was slow to build, and even slower to resolve. In fact, most countries around the world are still living with some form of social restrictions aimed at controlling transmission and preventing severe infection. We’ve since entered a recession, predicted by many to be the largest since the global financial crisis. Most importantly, many people lost their lives to the virus, and many more still have a severe and long-lasting illness.

I am fortunate enough to live in a country with very low infection rates and virtually no community transmission, and so life has returned to a post-virus normal. But (of course, there is always a but) to achieve this hefty goal, we as a community endured the longest and harshest lockdown conditions seen anywhere around the globe for almost a year. Make no mistake; it was essential and worthwhile. However, it was also eye-opening, isolating, disruptive and challenging. And as well as being a bench biologist who couldn’t get to the bench, I faced the lockdown separated by state borders from my partner, family and friends. To say it was mentally tough would be a colossal understatement, and despite this I am well aware of many who faced worse than me.

So, in acknowledging that no two experiences of 2020 were alike, I decided to stick with my traditional by-the-numbers account of the past year. You’ll find wins few and far between, more than a handful of losses, and a list of goals that looked a little different from start to finish. Finally, I look to the future and set my sights on recovery in 2021.

Wins

A snapshot of the high points

I survived 2020. I think that certainly belongs in the win column, don’t you?
I read three books, and reviewed one.
I published five blog posts totalling 6500 words, which were viewed 1557 times by 833 different visitors from more than 10 countries
I contributed my first to an online publication
I published my first , providing analysis tools for researchers considering applying for NHMRC funding
I worked over 2500 hours, more than 40% of which went towards submitting my first first-author postdoctoral paper for review to a top-tier journal
Five manuscripts I contributed to were officially published
I slept an average of 7 hours and 5 minutes
I overhauled my entire organisation system, from code to experiments to publications
I created and published not but science-communication videos as part of my first official scicomm training worskhop
I organised and hosted 17 Departmental seminars from a diverse group of researchers spanning career stages and countries - and made a successful transition to virtual when the pandemic hit!
I gave 2 invited seminars, and attended 3 virtual conferences

Losses

A not-so-snappy shot of the low points

Another year with no published first-author manuscripts, despite furiously writing for most of the year
My first-author paper was rejected from 4 different journals before even being sent out for peer review
Almost one fifth of the hours I worked were spent on emails and other administrative tasks
I didn’t write a single grant or application
I downloaded 1084 papers, and read less than 10% of them
I started 4 books that I didn’t finish
I didn’t publish blog posts in 7 out of 12 months
My coding projects are still still in a state of disarray, in desperate need of a tidy and some documentation
I only averaged 3817 steps per day
I was, perhaps, 50% productive on any given day

Lessons

The bits I wish I knew at the start of 2020, but had to learn the hard way.

Selfish isn’t a dirty word - for much of 2020 I struggled with the feeling of being a bad friend, bad partner, bad lab mate, bad family member as I weathered the storm of Victoria’s lockdown alone. I was lonely, unhealthy, unmotivated and struggling to keep my head above water and still I felt uncommitted to the many relationships in my life I let languish during this period. But in reality, I didn’t have anything to give - and I needed to be selfish, to rebuild my own mental health, to redefine my sense of self in this weird and wonderful (?) new world we were suddenly inhabiting. And it took me a long time to be ok with this idea of a self-centred approach to wellbeing. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Working from home and living at work are two entirely separate things - At the start of 2020 there was an abundance of tips about productive workspaces, setting routines, engaging in your normal ready-for-work activities, setting aside time each day to step away from work…. As someone who has had the luxury of a few work-from-home days in the past that yielded astounding levels of productivity, I was initially optimistic about the opportunities a few onths of working from home presented. It was only a few weeks into what would turn out to be a year long work-from-home order, before I realised how sorely mistaken I was. This was not the quiet, focused time I had enjoyed pre-pandemic, but clouded, overcast and gloomy time spent doom-scrolling, feeling unengaged and unenthusiastic about the prospect of another day spent alone in my home-office. It was a few months in that I came across the phrase living at work, and it struck home how insidiously this transition had happened. Despite having a separate work space, work never really left my home space in the way that I could leave the work office, and I came to realise how important the role of our choice is in this regard.
Variety is the spice of life - Ok, I know this one is a little cliché. And yet, if you’d asked me a year ago I would have adamantly told you that I am a person who is fond of organisation, planning and routines. From breakfast meals to shampoo brands to pens to friends - I am a creature of habit. I know what I like, and I surround myself with it. I structure my time. I plan and organise weeks, months, years in advance and I work toward goals with almost singular focus. And yet, this year almost every single one of those things was thrown completely out the window. It was impossible to plan a week in advance (or even a day sometimes). I found myself missing those spontaneous interruptions to my calendar or walks for coffee with random colleagues during the day. I missed the variety of faces on the tram each morning, and instead sought out variety in walking routes to new cafes for lunch as a poor surrogate. Most vividly I missed the usual spontaneity of a week in bench research science. Normally, each day is subtly different - a different experiment, or technique, this meeting versus that meeting, a new piece of code to work on or a new manuscript to write. Instead of this variety, life became a blur of zoom meetings, trudging forward on a single manuscript, and trying desperately to halt my doom-scrolling as we awaited daily case numbers and press conferences. I will never again take for granted the motivation a varied work day brings to my passion for science.

Goals

As with much about 2020, my goals unfortunately went promptly out the window around June. Even still, I finally submitted the first of three first-author postdoctoral research papers, and successfully created a growing community of Happy Hacker scientists who are learning to code. I started semi-regular yoga and implemented a new morning routine focused on engaging mindfully with the day ahead. While my writing here lagged severely, those posts I managed to write and publish are some of those I am most proud of. None of these things went according to plan, and it certainly wasn’t a glamorous insta-worthy road to ticking boxes. And yet, here we are, moving forward ever so slightly. So where to from here?

Papers are paramount. Déjà vu aside, with drafts still floating around in various states of disarray the first half of 2021 demands some serious focus on wrapping up the next two manuscripts. Using structured writing time of at least twenty hours a week, my goal is to have submitted the remaining two manuscripts before starting my next postdoctoral position mid-year. While last year writing sessions were often sidetracked by more ‘pressing’ needs, this year I will plan each session in advance, using calendar entries for accountability and a master task list for assigning goals and tracking progress.
Revamp the reading routine. Last year I hinted at a timely review of how I consume scientific literature. I’ve often pushed reading to the end of my to-do list and settled for skimming daily email alerts or saving an article or two from Twitter with some handwavy expectation of actually reading them. Instead, I want to not only find time for an engaged reading practice but also give myself space to really think about what I am reading, parlaying this into more (and better!) scientific insights. I will implement two reading sessions per week, drawing pre-selected articles from my ever-growing pile of exciting new material. This will be tracked using a database, which simultaneously enables detailed cross-connection between individual resources and developing insights and ideas within overarching project themes.
Commit to coding cleanup. One of the few positives to come from a year of working from home, coupled with a freshly-submitted manuscript combing computational analyses of wet-lab experiments, was a rapid expansion and solidification of my amateur coding skills. I am often pleasantly surprised when I realise just how far these skills have developed, and it makes me even more excited to pass them on during Hacky Hours each week. And yet, two packages I first wrote more than four years ago still languish, lacking love and in desperate need of refactoring. This is the year I commit to cleaning up these packages. I will spend an hour each week tackling small chucks, which will be tracked using GitHub issues and measured in milestones.
Invest in intentional. Sometimes a week can pass by and I barely realise due to a blur of endless triaging. These type of weeks tend to feel like an old-school cartoon where my wheels are spinning yet the car is going nowhere fast. My goal is to understand (and correct) my balance between the urgent but unimportant tasks that often fill my day (hellloooo email, I’m looking at you…), and the essential but non-urgent tasks that will be of most tangible benefit long term. Beyond task management, I will start each morning by writing down three intentions for the day, using these to anchor how my time is spent and as a record for reflection. I will also frame these intentions within the time management matrix, to ensure I am investing in long term progress by hitting small milestones each and every day.

2020 was without a doubt challenging and confronting and, just between you and I, 2021 was not looking to be off to a great start. After handing over my role in Melbourne and leaping out of my comfort zone, I landed in limbo - awaiting a revised start date for my international Fellowship, unemployed and uncertain of my direction for the first time in over a decade. And yet, here I am daring the universe by setting goals for the year ahead. From here, 2021 is about regrouping, recovering and recalibrating, readying for reentry to the world post-COVID. And I couldn’t be happier to have you along for the ride.

Image credits: @brookelark via

A year in review: 2019 edition

Fri, 31 Jan 2020 12:46:00 +0000

The holiday season is a time of reflection for many, me included. However, this was heightened this year, and somewhat hijacked, by the looming start of a new decade.

While there are plenty of discussions of why 2019 isn’t the end of the decade (like , and ), it did little to stem the tide of ten-year progress reports flooding . These outpourings of academic (and personal) success are often incredible and inspirational, but can also be overwhelming and disheartening for those of us who feel less accomplished.

So as is tradition, I decided to stick with my by-the-numbers account of the past year. You’ll find some wins, a handful of losses, and a few goals that looked a little different from start to finish. Finally, I look to the future and set my sights on kicking brand new goals in 2020.

Wins

A snapshot of the high points

I contributed to 4 manuscripts, of which 3 were posted as preprints
I completed my first independently-funded research project using funds totalling $40 000
I was awarded ~ $10 000 in travel awards
I attended 4 national and 2 international conferences
I presented 5 research talks, 2 posters and chaired an academic career development panel
I gave my first invited research seminar at my alma matta
I was awarded an international post-doctoral fellowship (!)
I performed over 45 (mostly week-long) experiments in just 159 working days, and over 75% of these gave useable results
I wrote or edited over 30 000 lines of code
I was an active member of 4 conference and professional committees, and an ordinary member of 4 professional societies
I directly supervised 3 students and informally mentored at least 4 others
I attended a 5-day leadership course, making 5 new connections that have blossomed into 3 new collaborative relationships
I accounted for each of my working days by posting a reflection to a purpose-built Instagram profile, receiving a total of 3191 likes
I authored 10 blog posts containing a total of 14 642 words, which received 5437 views from 3849 visitors across 36 different countries - more than half of these views were on a single post after I shared it with the Twitterverse!
I slept an average of 7 hours a night, did an average 6260 steps per day, and lost 12 kilograms
I read 1 1/2 more books than last year and completed 1/4 of my first ever attempt at cross stitch
I gave my very first tech talk at a local meetup group
I travelled to 3 countries and explored 5 new cities, and took 2571 photos
I spent 365 days being a partner, sister, colleague and friend - being a happy, (mostly!) healthy human

Losses

A snappier shot of the low points

Only one manuscript made it through the review process to be published
None of my first-author manuscripts are any closer to being submitted
Of the 431 papers I downloaded, I read less than 10% of them in full
I am not proud of my ‘bedside manner’, as I was impatient and frequently frustrated with students
I spent over 50 hours preparing 5 unsuccessful grant or fellowship applications
My coding projects are still in a state of disarray, in desperate need of a tidy and some documentation
I only read 3 1/2 books and put 12 kilograms back on
There were days where I barely slept 4 hours and struggled to make 1000 steps
I only took 11 days of leave, and was fuelled by stress and anxiety far more often than passion and curiosity

Lessons

The bits I wish I knew at the start of 2019, but had to learn the hard way.

You have to crawl before you can walk - academic conferences are great, especially the chance to travel internationally. However, you have to have the time and effort already committed to a project to have something new and interesting to present, and in turn to make the most out of the experience.
Time tracking - the more you know! There are already people using your personal data to sell you shoes and expensive holidays - why not use your personal data for good, not evil? Late in 2019, I started tracking how I spend my workday (keep an eye out for more details coming soon!), helping me refocus on my goals, dedicate productive time to important work and better plan my time for specific activities according to how long it had taken in the past.
The sunk-cost fallacy - Sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on, despite having invested so much time and effort and energy into one particular thing. If it’s not right, or not happening, maybe it never will be. And that’s ok - sometimes you have to empty some space to leave room for the next great thing, whether that’s the next big experiment or project, or the next townhouse or friendship. However…
Perseverance is key - every application makes your next application better. Although, being privileged enough to be able to persevere is a huge source of diversity challenge in academia. Appreciate when you have the option to continue chasing a dream, and not just when that dream becomes reality.
Decisions are hard - and making them can change the course of your life immediately, even in how you feel about the people around you.
Some people will never understand - and that’s on them, not you. Living your best life is unlikely to please everyone, so live a life you’re proud of and whether others understand your path or not is irrelevant.

Goals

This time last year I set some goals. This was a new approach to goal-setting for me, and I’m pleased that it worked (moderately) well! Physical activity was a consistent focus - even if only a short walk in the afternoon, I was conscious of the link between how my brain and body feel. I made substantial progress on building reflective practices and, last but not least, I landed the next job!

Building on this foundation, here are my goals for 2020

1. Papers are paramount. With a looming international move, I have a little over six months to tie-up all my projects and get my first-author manuscripts over the line. My goal is to finalise three publication-ready first-author manuscripts by April. With drafts floating around in various states of disarray, I will use structured writing time for at least eight hours a week to make focused progress. I will use calendar entries for accountability and maintain a master task list for tracking progress. I would also like to reorganise my reading and writing process and systems, but that’s a goal for another time!

2. Hacking hand-over. Part of the leadership course I attended encouraged us to think about ourselves as changemakers. This could result from our science, or more broadly our leadership, but nonetheless we were to imagine what change we wanted to make in the world over the next year. Then we had to plan it. Who would we connect with? What skills/tools did we need? I have always been a passionate advocate for programming for life scientists, and I would love to be the catalyst for this in our institute - to take the plan I sketched on paper (yes - real-life butchers paper!) and put it into action. My goal is to establish a local hacky hour at my institute, bringing together experienced, amateur and coding-curious researchers in a collaborative space to learn from each other. I will gather a small working group of researchers experienced in programming by the end of February, where we will brainstorm the best structure, location and time for meetups. The action items from that meeting will serve as a task list for tracking progress, and I will coordinate at least three hacky hours before handing over the reins when I move.

3. Blog better. Despite averaging one post per month last year, I felt there was a lack of substance with so many conference wrapups and few useful, practical or probative posts. The one obvious exception was a rather popular commentary on the state of NHMRC Investigator Grants. This was a combination of an important issue and a good coding project, and I would love to produce more content like this in the future. My goal is to continue posting at least once per month, of which half will pursue practical or probative themes. This will be easily tracked by my posting record here, so feel free to help me stay accountable!

4. Healthy is happy, and mindfulness matters. As I approach another decade of life (that’s right, a big three-oh this year), I am starting to appreciate that a healthy body and mind is not really something you can achieve. There is no box to tick to say you are done, and there isn’t really a finish line. A commitment to maintaining your physical and psychological health is lifelong, and relapses will happen when you aren’t paying attention. My goal is to recover my healthy habits, focusing on yoga and reflections once a week. My progress will be easily tracked by my health app (thanks technology!), and I will continue to maintain my purpose-built Instagram account with weekly posts. For the safety of me and my lab mates, that account will stay anonymous - but it serves as a neat record for me at least!

2019 was undoubtedly one of the hardest, but most rewarding years yet. Just when I finally felt comfortable in my space and role in Melbourne, I landed an international Fellowship - a huge win that is equal parts exciting and terrifying. As they say, life begins at the edge of your comfort zone. So here’s to an adventurous, unknown 2020 - may it be filled with science, self-exploration and smiles.

Image credits: @brookelark via

Book review: Human Universe

Sat, 28 Apr 2018 03:43:15 +0000

I know, I know, book reviews are so seventh grade. But I am making a conscious effort not only to read more this year, but also to actively engaging with the media I consume. So, I thought writing down a few tid bits about each of the books I conquer this year might help me and promote some great popular science literature that I think everyone should get around!

Title: Human Universe Theme:

A self professed love letter to humanity, this book asks questions about our origins, our destiny, and our place in the universe, covering the science behind each scale in the universe, from single cells to whole galaxies to the infinite multiverse.

Target audience:

Inquisitive minds, suitable for both scientists and those with little to no scientific background.

Overall thoughts:

Well crafted stories and arguments, with an appropriate level of context for someone with no background in science, but not so much as to be nauseatingly boring for scientists. In many instances, Cox manages to articulate many of my feelings about science, policy and the challenges we face both as scientists and more broadly as a society with a solid foundation in established scientific research.

Some of the best bits*:

The language of science - because there is no better demonstration of our ascent… than the exponentiation of knowledge
Education powers the mind beyond direct experience - onwards and outwards
Common sense is completely worthless and irrelevant when trying to understand reality
The inbuilt and unavoidable stupidity of intelligent beings
Countries whose borders and interests are defined by imagined local differences and arbitrary religious dogma, both of which are utterly irrelevant and meaningless on a galactic scale
A lovely example of serendipity coupled with curiosity and a sprinkling of genius; from cannonballs to snowflakes to the code of life.
Science is a time machine, and it goes both ways. We are able to predict our future with increasing certainty. Our ability to act in response to these predictions will ultimately determine our fate.
Science and reason make the darkness visible
We woken up at the wheel of a bus and realised we don’t know how to drive it
A common governmental lament is new knowledge is not converted efficiently enough into economic growth. Is that what knowledge is for? Who pays for progress? Who should pay for progress?
there is much research to be done , but the barriers are likely to be budgetary rather than fundamental; the United States spends more on pet grooming than it does on fusion research.
I teach, I am taught, I research and I learn. I have been fortunate.
What are we made of? Up quarks, down quarks and electrons.* Please note these are direct quotes from the reviewed material, and do not represent independently conceived ideas. Where can I find it? Get it online .

a year in review

Wed, 10 Jan 2018 10:50:36 +0000

This week kicks off 2018, and can I just say - about bloody time.

I know I’m not the only one - but 2017 was a bit of a roller coaster for me, both personally and professionally. I started a new job, in a new city, working in a new field. I made new friends, rented a new apartment, joined a new gym, and bought two new cars. My partner and I learnt new things about one another, and together we set a new personal best for flights between Melbourne and Sydney in a year. Between all of the new, a few old habits reared their ugly head - I worked consistently 10, 11, 12 hour days, weeknights and weekends. When I wasn’t at work, I was thinking about work. About how much I had to learn, and how out of depth I was. My old friend Impostor Syndrome came to visit, and set up camp on my new couch for a solid four to five months. Old health issues came back to bite me. It took me a really long time to feel at home in the lab again (settling into a new lab space after 4 solid years in your old one is hard, note to self), and I found it hard to balance my expectations with the reality of what was physically achievable in a single day. Lesson one of 2017 was balance, above all else. Balance is essential for mental and physical health, and without it you will drown.

Perhaps worst of all, I said yes. Consistently, for 9 months, I said yes to taking every meeting, trying every experiment, attending every outing… I was terrified of missing out on that most important opportunity. Six months into my new job, I was already juggling more than 10 ‘projects’ - each of which was substantial enough to occupy an honours student for a year - and had little idea which of them was actually paying my rent. Instead of giving myself a chance to settle in, maybe tackle a few key projects that would quickly generate data, I tried to chip away at everything and wound up floundering amongst a sea of failed experiments and next to no progress. I was burnt out, and looking for any way to slink off into the darkness and away from the academic career I had been working toward for the past decade. Lesson number two of 2017 was that it is ok, and in fact important, to say no. Sometimes. A handful of productive projects are better than a wealth of failing ones. It’s ok to be up front with your limitations - some people (the good ones) will respect you even more for it.

Despite all the heartache, I didn’t quit. Sometimes, hanging on for dear life is enough. I have a beautiful partner who reminded me everyday of why we were here. I have wonderful friends and family who boast proudly about this crazy scientist they know. These are the things that keep you going. Lesson number three of 2017 was keep these people close. They are your life blood.

Towards the end of the year, the waters started to smooth. I kicked my ImpSyn friend off the couch, made daily exercise a priority and devoted some time to personal goals. One of those was this (which I admit is still a work in progress). I also enrolled in an online course to pursue some extra-curricula computer programming skills. I finally engaged with Twitter (and oh what a wonderful, welcoming community I have found there). I worked to connect all my fabulous women friends in science as we go our separate ways for now (more on that later). Lesson number four of 2017 was don’t be afraid to know your goals, and to prioritise them. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Even if it’s only small steps once a week or once a month, every little bit of effort will take you one step closer to your goal. And life is too short to keep these goals hidden out of fear.

The year came to a close in a wonderful corner of the New South Wales south coast. We beached, waterskiied, flew kites, ate tremendous icecream and slept. I had eight (yes, eight!) whole days without opening my computer, or even thinking about work. Those eight days were the happiest I spent in 2017, and after them I felt like I had opened the floodgates. In the back of my mind, I started to develop experiment ideas, fellowship projects and potential collaborative ventures. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get back to work to put things in motion. Lesson number five of 2017 is that in order to go fast, you must first go slow. A few people whom I deeply respect have mentioned this before, but it wasn’t until my summer holiday that I truly understood their meaning. This is my 2018 mantra.

These lessons, despite being painful to learn, have opened the door to an exhilarating 2018. I’m heading to three conferences over the next five weeks, which will mark my first national conference oral presentations. I’m attending a summer school, where I get to focus solely on developing my programming skills for six days straight. I am working on Fellowship applications which, if successful, will have me headed overseas in no time. My friends-in-STEM community continues to grow. For the first time in a while, I am excited about the upcoming few months. After the butt-kicking 2017 gave me, I finally feel like 2018 is the time to fight back.

Here’s to 2018. May it be full of science, love, laughter, growth and success for you all x