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A year in review: 2018 edition

Tue, 15 Jan 2019 09:52:30 +0000

The last few weeks have seen a flood of people posting their 2018 achievements, promoting the academic currency of papers published, grants won, students mentored and conferences attended.

Without taking away from these achievements, I wanted to focus on viewing myself as more than my work, and especially more than the ‘publish or perish’-driven manuscript list. And so, here lives my reflection on the year that was. Lessons remain a crucial part; after all,

“If a man looks at the world when he is 50 the same way he looked at it when he was 20 and it hasn’t changed, then he has wasted 30 years of his life,”

Muhamed Ali

Of course, I would be remiss not to celebrate the high points - but I have tried to temper the ‘gloating’ with a few honest low points. Finally, I take a look to the future. By defining goals which will drive my personal and professional life in 2019, I hope to kick off a fulfilling and smooth-sailing year with the course charted and the wind in my sails.

Wins

A snapshot of the high points

I received my first personal scientific project funding through an Early-Career Researcher Grant
I had four papers published, including the last of my PhD research, and landed travel funds for an international conference
I was priviledged to give too many conference presentations to count (Lornes, ABS-ABA, Winter School..)
I developed and grew this page, with 20 blog posts including tools, conference reviews, book reviews and scicomm
I produced hundreds (maybe thousands?) of lines of brand new code - but more importantly, saw a significant improvement in my ability and confidence when programming which has allowed me to assist others
I attended my first PyLadies meetup, where I met people like me (in science, learning python independently) and some less like me (employed full time in programming or data analysis positions)
I developed closer relationships with family and friends, as I worked harder to maintain and build these ties
I read two more books than last year
I consistently, regularly exercised, losing 15 kilograms
I hit a saving milestone and we bought a house

Losses

A snapier shot of the low points

I worked for two months on experiments that were to resuscitate one of my major projects
I’m now left with no papers in the pipeline, leaving lots for the year ahead to wrap up these projects
My coding projects are in somewhat of a state of disarray, in desperate need of a tidy and some documentation
I only read 2 books, and put 8 kilograms back on
I spent more than 50 hours writing six grants, all of which were unsuccessful
I was quick to judge others and less approachable than I would like to be, letting my stress seep to the outside
We unbought a hous

Lessons

The bits I wish I knew at the start of 2018, but had to learn the hard way

Have the hard conversations - with your boss, your partner, yourself
Self-care is about what you need - not what everyone else’s definition of rest and relaxation tells them (and they, therefore, tell you) you should be doing
“There are less qualified people than you doing what you want to do, just because they decided to believe in themselves. Period.”
Make a positivity folder and actively collect the warm fuzzy moments: emails, photos, messages, compliments, congratulations…
If you want to do something, really want to, then make time. Do it. No one else is going to do it for you, and your schedule will not magically clear. Life is never going to get less hectic or stressful.
Every day, hour, minute you spend wishing your way to the next thing (job, house, friend, partner) you will equally spend wishing you had taken the time to value what you had, to revel in it.
Prioritise, prioritise, prioritise

Goals

Hopefully to help me meander with purpose through 2019

It might be a little meta, but a big goal of mine this year is to learn to set SMART goals. Not so much “new years resolutions” - but personal and professional goals that I would like to work towards every day.
If you’ve never heard of the SMART goal concept, you can find a more detailed description , but in a nutshell SMART goals are:
- S - specific, significant, stretching
- M - measurable, meaningful, motivational
- A - agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented
- R - realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented
- T - time-based, time-bound, timely, tangible, trackable
With this in mind, I have the following goals for 2019:
- Yoga at least two days in a fortnite during 2019. A flexible body -> flexible mind -> clarity of ideas, increased alertness and engagement with the task at hand. I would like to be able to better calm my mind when distraction threatens. I will track this goal via a calendar which records each session.
- Land the next job - be strong enough to throw myself into the applications and let go of the guilt of not chasing (limited) Australian funds. This will be measured via my application for at least 3 more Fellowship programs.
- Attitude adjustment - I will track this goal via weekly mini-reflections, where I will focus on (1) Learning to take control of what is within my reach, and to more rapidly accept that which is outside my control and move on, (2) Doing one self-positive task per day - learning, physical activity, kindness, and (3) Fostering self belief to replace self doubt, in personal relationships, professional settings and long-term career prospects
- Prioritise, prioritise, prioritise!

And with that, it’s time to say sayonara 2018 - bring on 2019.

May science be kind to you!

Image credit: @brookelark via

a year in review

Wed, 10 Jan 2018 10:50:36 +0000

This week kicks off 2018, and can I just say - about bloody time.

I know I’m not the only one - but 2017 was a bit of a roller coaster for me, both personally and professionally. I started a new job, in a new city, working in a new field. I made new friends, rented a new apartment, joined a new gym, and bought two new cars. My partner and I learnt new things about one another, and together we set a new personal best for flights between Melbourne and Sydney in a year. Between all of the new, a few old habits reared their ugly head - I worked consistently 10, 11, 12 hour days, weeknights and weekends. When I wasn’t at work, I was thinking about work. About how much I had to learn, and how out of depth I was. My old friend Impostor Syndrome came to visit, and set up camp on my new couch for a solid four to five months. Old health issues came back to bite me. It took me a really long time to feel at home in the lab again (settling into a new lab space after 4 solid years in your old one is hard, note to self), and I found it hard to balance my expectations with the reality of what was physically achievable in a single day. Lesson one of 2017 was balance, above all else. Balance is essential for mental and physical health, and without it you will drown.

Perhaps worst of all, I said yes. Consistently, for 9 months, I said yes to taking every meeting, trying every experiment, attending every outing… I was terrified of missing out on that most important opportunity. Six months into my new job, I was already juggling more than 10 ‘projects’ - each of which was substantial enough to occupy an honours student for a year - and had little idea which of them was actually paying my rent. Instead of giving myself a chance to settle in, maybe tackle a few key projects that would quickly generate data, I tried to chip away at everything and wound up floundering amongst a sea of failed experiments and next to no progress. I was burnt out, and looking for any way to slink off into the darkness and away from the academic career I had been working toward for the past decade. Lesson number two of 2017 was that it is ok, and in fact important, to say no. Sometimes. A handful of productive projects are better than a wealth of failing ones. It’s ok to be up front with your limitations - some people (the good ones) will respect you even more for it.

Despite all the heartache, I didn’t quit. Sometimes, hanging on for dear life is enough. I have a beautiful partner who reminded me everyday of why we were here. I have wonderful friends and family who boast proudly about this crazy scientist they know. These are the things that keep you going. Lesson number three of 2017 was keep these people close. They are your life blood.

Towards the end of the year, the waters started to smooth. I kicked my ImpSyn friend off the couch, made daily exercise a priority and devoted some time to personal goals. One of those was this (which I admit is still a work in progress). I also enrolled in an online course to pursue some extra-curricula computer programming skills. I finally engaged with Twitter (and oh what a wonderful, welcoming community I have found there). I worked to connect all my fabulous women friends in science as we go our separate ways for now (more on that later). Lesson number four of 2017 was don’t be afraid to know your goals, and to prioritise them. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Even if it’s only small steps once a week or once a month, every little bit of effort will take you one step closer to your goal. And life is too short to keep these goals hidden out of fear.

The year came to a close in a wonderful corner of the New South Wales south coast. We beached, waterskiied, flew kites, ate tremendous icecream and slept. I had eight (yes, eight!) whole days without opening my computer, or even thinking about work. Those eight days were the happiest I spent in 2017, and after them I felt like I had opened the floodgates. In the back of my mind, I started to develop experiment ideas, fellowship projects and potential collaborative ventures. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get back to work to put things in motion. Lesson number five of 2017 is that in order to go fast, you must first go slow. A few people whom I deeply respect have mentioned this before, but it wasn’t until my summer holiday that I truly understood their meaning. This is my 2018 mantra.

These lessons, despite being painful to learn, have opened the door to an exhilarating 2018. I’m heading to three conferences over the next five weeks, which will mark my first national conference oral presentations. I’m attending a summer school, where I get to focus solely on developing my programming skills for six days straight. I am working on Fellowship applications which, if successful, will have me headed overseas in no time. My friends-in-STEM community continues to grow. For the first time in a while, I am excited about the upcoming few months. After the butt-kicking 2017 gave me, I finally feel like 2018 is the time to fight back.

Here’s to 2018. May it be full of science, love, laughter, growth and success for you all x